What the dilly yo?

Why can we not catch a break? Why has lady luck decided to spurn our affections so suddenly and randomly? Why can we not win north of the border, or in the state of Ohio, or in a dome not named after the most alliterative vice president in American history? Why do our heretofore indomitable pitchers suddenly lack the ability to get a friggin out? Why do the Rays let a piece of metal on their roof determine the course of the game? In short: what's the dilly yo?

My parents have a philosophy. It is simply this. The Fox network is evil. We have been on national television 3 times. Once we won after losing a lead. Then we lost to the Tigers for no reason whatsoever. And now we cannot catch a break against the Twinkling Shafts of Light. Why? Fox hates us. Fox likes to show pretty rich people at venerable stadia. LA, New York, Boston, Chicago. These will work. The Metrodome. Not so much. It's bad enough they will be saddled with Tampa Bay, but they will not stand for our presence in the postseason.

So Rupert Murdoch hired a gypsy, a voodoo priest, and Miss Cleo, to put a curse upon us. Then used his minions (idiot announcers) to neutralize our brilliant team of Dick and Bert. Thereby removing our mojo and turning our luck as sour as a bachelor's rancid milk.

There is but one explanation for our struggles.


End of discussion.

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