Here's my question? Why pull out the Dread Pirate Joe (Nathan) after ONE INNING and put in Gurrier, who promptly gives up a run? I mean, I guess I understand wanting to save Nathan in case we actually did get a lead and needed a save, but...

GARDY: Welp, Dread Pirate Nathan, your time is up.


Gardy: Nope sorry Joe (Bat-boys emerge from dugout with whips and a stool to guide Joe Nathan back to the locker room)

MAUER: But...Gardy...why? That makes no sense? The bullpen is almost guaranteed to give up a run. You're sentencing us to defeat!

GARDY: Little man, let me tell you a secret. (Mauer leans in close) Sometimes in my little heart, I feel bad for the Kansas City Royals. I think, 'it's the 10th inning. They've come this far. Why not let them win in extra innings? (pause) Also it's past my lunchtime and the hot dog stand is calling my name. But that's beside the point. The point is...kindness. Empathy. Charity.

MAUER: Gee Gardy, I don't think Ayn Rand would appreciate that too much.

GARDY: I'm a Kantian.

MAUER: Oh. So...that explains why you yell and scream a lot at the umpire?

GARDY: Exactly. Biased, bad calls are not a rule by which the entire world should live - therefore, I get angry and yell about them.

MAUER: Oh. Um, well... OK.... (walks away confused) *to himself* My double was all for naught...

NATHAN: (as he is dragged by by the Nathan-taming squad) GARRRR!!!! JOE NATHAN!!!!

And so that is how the Twins lost the finale against the Royals.

Moral of the story: Kantian philosophy and managing baseball teams do not mesh. And also, Joe Nathan is a badass.

No comments:

Post a Comment