Know Thine Enemy #17: The Tampa Bay Rays

Reason we should finish the Rays as though we were commanded to do so by the old Mortal Kombat video game voice (FINISH THEM!!)
  1. We need to: I tried this one with the Orioles and we got 2 of 3, I ignored it with the Indians and we lost 3; coincidence? Probably. BUT! I'm going to choose to believe in hope and believe that we need to win these games, erego we will. *10 Loathing Points*
  2. For the Garden Gnome: Frequent readers of this blog know that one of our primary inspirations is Gardy, the irascible, rosy cheeked purveyor of wisdom to our boys in blue. Gardy is undoubtedly one of the finest managers in major league baseball but has not won the award designed to honor great managing. In the last 6 years, Gardy has finished 2nd in the Manager of the Year voting 3 times, and 3rd once. Every other team in the AL central has had a manager win in that span. Two of the guys who beat Gardy got fired. He has a better winning percentage than ALL OF THE OTHER GUYS WHO BEAT HIM. And this year, with a starting rotation plucked from a sandbox, an outfield who has to rinse out their retainers between innings, and a bullpen that has forced Rick Anderson to assume the fetal position since August--we're still in the hunt for the playoffs. And Gardy will lose again, to the Rays Joe Maddon.  For crying out loud! Does he have to cure cancer to win the freakin' thing?!? Screw you Joe Maddon, win it for Gardy! *77 Loathing Points*
  3. Get in line Punks!: Hmm...a scrappy team no one thought would win a title, playing in a cavernous domed structure that even residents find occasionally off-putting, suddenly in the hunt and trying to get into the playoffs despite nearly insurmountable odds. I'm sorry...am I still writing about the Rays, I thought I was writing about the Twins...oh that's right, we're almost the same team! But we've played this way for 6 years...so you Johnny, Evan, and Dionner-Come-Latelies play your role as the freshman to our seniors and get us some blue Powerade and a couple victories! *16 Loathing Points*
Reasons we should finish the Rays with the quiet grace and dignity that I am using to finish this year's edition of "Enemies" posts.
  1. Goodness and Light: No longer are the Tampa Bay baseballers related to the "Devil" Ray...now it's only the "Rays", the "Beams of Light", the "Shimmering Spotlights of Hope" it's so sweet I could vomit. But I figure that removing the demon stain from their name should lend them a little more credibility. *-1 Loathing Point*
  2. 50/50: Remember Matt Garza, and Jason Bartlett...those guys who were good but not critical to our success? Well, their down in Tampa Bay, and the guys Tampa gave us in exchange...two fellas named Brendan Harris and Delmon Young? Yeah, they've given us so much to laugh at. (I mean...supraction...genius Delmon...genius). So I suppose it all works out in the end. (Or it will if we get into the playoffs too) *-50 Loathing Points*
  3. Like killing our reflection: truth is, it would be awesome to make the playoffs (and we totally should...because awesomeness, is AWESOME!). But if we don't, then the Rays will carry the "scrappy young whelps crashing the party" flag into the playoffs. We may not get a chance to win the world series for the small market do-gooders in baseball, but our sun bleached dopplegangers should. *-13 Loathing Points*
Final Loathe-O-Meter Rating: 49 Loathing Points
Also Known As: Having customers smugly ignore your presence when you work in a service industry. 


  1. Validation! ;)

    Thx for helping me procrastinate more, Ben and K.

    much love to you and your diehard following for the Twinkies, Sunny