4.08.2009

Diversification

Watching tonight's game I came to understand a few things

1-Carlos Silva must really be in love to choose, CHOOSE MIND YOU, to live in Minnesota in the offseason.

2-My mother likes everybody, and wants everyone to do well, not just the local boys. It's just like when I was a kid and she wanted me to win cross country races, but not by so much that I would make the other kids feel bad (ps. me winning was not an issue)

3-As bad a track athlete as I was, I could probably out run Jason Kubel.

And yet, Kubel the great was trying, really trying hard, all red in the face and whatnot, and so, when we trailed and came back, I wondered what had gotten into the big fella. Which is when I remembered a spring training conversation relayed to us by our special investigative reporter/spy Merlin the dog (he has big ears...it works for him)

[A quiet day at spring training, bats cracking, birds chirping, sunflower seeds splattering, a gentle clipping sound of cleats leads to the encounter of our two most prolific sluggers]
MORNEAU: What's the matter Jason?
KUBEL: It's them
MORNEAU: Whom?
KUBEL: THEM
MORNEAU: Could you be more specific in case their are any Corgies with recording devices who will pass this on to bloggers?
KUBEL: Oh, yeah, sure...it's the piranhas. It's Denard, and Carlos, and Alexi and Nick. It's all those guys who get to run around real fast. I just have to trot now and then...and get thrown out at first base the rest of the time...when will I ever get to zip around the bases, like a wicked fast blur? When Justin? WHEN?
MORNEAU: Oh, Jason, you need some diversification in your portfolio.
KUBEL: Some whomanawhatta in my whattahooha?
MORNEAU: Diversification in your portfolio. You see, you and I, we're like investors who know one market really well. Like, snack chips
KUBEL: I love snack chips.
MORNEAU: Of course you do, and you know which brand is best, and whose coming out with new styles and new flavors and you can accurately predict which companies are worth investing in, and which you might want to sell your shares in.
KUBEL: Dutch Crunch's new Rutabega and Eggplant Kettle Chips will revolutionize the industry!!
MORNEAU: *chuckles* Well, that's what we all hope Jason. But you see, if all your money is in the snack chip market, and snack chips are suddenly pulled from shelves because of an outbreak of ebola in a rogue batch of potatoes you'd lose all your money.
KUBEL: NO! IT'S NOT TRUE!! POTATOES WOULD NEVER GO ROGUE!!
MORNEAU: Jason, I'm being metaphorical.
KUBEL: Even metaphorically rogue potatoes are no laughing matter.
MORNEAU: I'm sorry, but you see, my point is, that if you have only one kind of investment, and that investment fails, then you fail. If you have only one skill (like power hitting) and you don't use that skill, then you fail.
KUBEL: So what do I do, Justin?
MORNEAU: I recommend buying Intricon. It's kickass.
KUBEL: I meant with my skills.
MORNEAU: Oh...well...you could always go for more runs. That way, if we ever trail the Mariners by two runs and have Cuddyer on second with two away we could hit back to back doubles that are made possible by our new found speed.
KUBEL: Will you help me?
MORNEAU: Of course.

For the rest of spring training nothing could stop Kubel from trying hard now, even if it was so hard now, he was trying hard now. Soon Merlin reported that Kubel was getting strong now, even though it wouldn't be long now, he was getting strong now...and in the evenings he and Morneau would often follow the advice of strength and conditioning coach Carl Weathers by getting their stew on. Until finally, tonight, they were, gonna fly now.
And that's how, with two big power hitting white guys running fast, we still won the game. Fly on boys...fly on.

1 comment:

  1. shameless plug for my place of employ, huh? :)

    ReplyDelete