Disclaimer: I am a giant nerd.
I woke with sleepy eyes, and I recalled
That yester-eve we lost not one but two
Attempts to flay that cursed Boston team.
I wondered what could possibly improve
What seemed to be a horrid, dismal day.
I thought of Baker’s three two-run home runs
And Liriano’s struggles on the mound,
And wondered, will we ever live to see
Our Twinkies in the playoffs? And I saw
In my mind’s eye, Youkilis’ bat connect
With that small sphere of destiny, which sailed
Over the wall, too far to catch – alas.
Thus was our sad downfall embarked upon.
I tried to look on the bright side, and thought
Of Justin Morneau, and his lonely hit.
This only served to make me more depressed,
And so I drank a whole bottle of scotch.
Just kidding. But I felt like doing that.
I then remembered the inspiring bard
Who on this day (allegedly) was born
And whose deep wisdom often does inspire
me to insult my friends in tongues of old.
What words of wisdom, thought I, might he have
To bring some lightness to this most dark day?
Would Shakespeare, if he lived, have cheered the Sox,
Or would he drunkenly cry out “Go Twins!”
And throw a hot dog bun in Wakefield’s face
Or make a bawdy joke at his expense?
I searched the internet for solid proof
That had Bill Shakespeare lived, he would have been
A dedicated fan of our belov’d
Nathan, Mauer, Punto and Morneau*.
And then I came across this saying, which
In my mind, tells me all I need to hear:
“How poor are they that have not patience!
What wound did ever heal but by degrees?”
This proves, I think that Shakespeare would not cheer
The Yankees, or the Sox of any color**.
For as Twins Fans, we know the value of
Patience. Often do we wait for brighter days
(which usually show up around July)
And live in hope of that post-season dream
(which may or may not grace us come the fall)
Only to walk away in sad defeat,
After one game against the Oakland A’s***.
But still, we loyally flock to the dome,
Our rally caps most solidly in place
To cheer our boys for one more day, until
We take for ours that golden pennant race.
** This is called a “feminine ending." I remember such things from high school english.
Happy Birthday Bill Shakespeare!!!
We know you'd be a Twins fan. And we will immortalize you as such.