Know Thine Enemy '09: The Boston Red Sox

Reasons why we ought to thump the Red Sox with a tube sock full quarters.

1. Pompous Smugness: Red Sox fans cannot help themselves. They are great. Totally great, utterly great, so incredibly great that the whole world would die if it couldn't revel in their greatness. (That's all true, just ask them.) Only the Yankees outdo the Red Sox on the smugness front, so only the Yankees would get a higher score in this category. *62 Loathing Points*
2. Alpha Dog: With two world series titles in the last five years, the Red Sox are always in contention, always near the top of the pecking order, and they certainly act like that. It's quite simple, the Red Sox are the Alpha Dog, the American League pack leader. Now if you beat the Alpha Dog, you become the Alpha Dog. *18 Loathing Points*
3. Old School V. New School: It's quite simple, the Red Sox are Old School baseball, hitting homeruns, drawing walks, moving from one base to the next to the next. This is the kind of baseball that lead to things like steroid abuse and the cult of Billy Beane. But there's a new style of ball sweeping the nation, the scrappy, speedy, stretch-a-single-into-a-double a-double-into-a-triple, sacrifice-the-runner-over kind of baseball. The Rays play that kind of baseball and won last year, The Phillies play that kind of baseball and won last year. We play that kind of baseball. It's time to throw down on behalf of the New School of baseball. Bring it Old School. *33 Loathing Points*

Reasons to swat the Red Sox with a mitten full of kleenex.

1. The Enemy of my Enemy: For all their flaws the Red Sox do hate the Yankees, and drive them crazy. And I do like that about them. If you can cause hatred deep in the soul of the Yankees, you can't be all bad...mostly bad...but not all bad. *-49 Loathing Points*
2. Tradition: The Red Sox do inspire great things, Stephen King's non-evil dead novels, John Updike's whole ouvre, Matt Damon's cinematic work, Ben Affleck's...well...Matt Damon anyway. Love of the Red Sox has led to great great things, recent evil not with standing. *-8 Loathing Points*

Final Loathe-o-Meter Rating: 56 Loathing Points

(+4 Loathing Points from last year)

Punishment: Whoomp upside their heads, say whoomp upside their heads.