Know Thine Enemy '09: The Cleveland Indians

As Stinky so smartly pointed out: Shakespeare is awesome--so in honor of the Bard allow me to introduce this edition of Know Thine Enemy with allusions to our most famous fan.

Reasons we should foil the Indians through a complex interplay of poisoned swords, poisoned rings in poisoned goblets, poisoned balls held in poisoned gloves, and poison coated poisons:
  1. Chief Wahoo: Again I say, racial caricatures--Not Cool. Stinky may feel a little sorry for them, but until the Indians atone for their offense to a minority with an offense to a majority I will insist they suffer. Might I suggest? *32 Loathing Points*
  2. Bob Feller: The man has a museum dedicated to himself...that he built...that he charges admission too...*cou(LAMEASS!)gh!*. *17 Loathing Points*
  3. Battle for the Central: Many "experts" have determined that the Indians are our greatest threat to winning the central division this year. So, beating them, would be quite useful in the course of...you know...beating them. *12 Loathing Points*
Reasons we should foil the Indians through a magical and inexplicable Deus Ex Machina
  1. The curse: The Cubs have been moaning about their 100 years of pain for at least 99 years. The Red Sox wrote epic novels about their suffering. The Indians have suffered for 60 full seasons now--and the only thing that's come out of that suffering has been the Drew Carey Show. (Which is pretty dang bad, to be honest). Way to tough it out Indians--our empathy. *-30 Loathing Points*
  2. Major League: The original Major League movie is pretty dang funny. The second movie was horrifically corny and even funnier. That the Indians inspired two such great movies, redeems them (that they stuck the Twins with the extremely horrific third movie diminishes some of that greatness) *-8 Loathing Points*
Final Loathe-o-Meter Rating: 23 Loathing Points
(-4 Loathing Points from last year)
Punishment: A swirly...but not a super turbo swirly.

1 comment:

  1. Yeah, it's on indeed. Except for Point #1. I concur. *sigh* But it's not like I can walk away from generations of family devotion to Cleveland--I just wear my "I" hat and keep hoping that someday they'll give it up.