Know Thine Enemy '09: The Tampa Bay Rays

Reasons we should splatter the Rays in a gooey greenish-yellow guck like a freshly swatted fly:

1. Heavy Lies the Head: The Rays are the Kings of the American League, which is nice for them and all--but it also means that they have a big fat bulls-eye on the back of their uniforms. To some people it would be rude to spoil their fun, to me it seems only fitting that they should be undone by a team so similar to them--rather than the bloated pay-rolls of their NorEasterly rivals. *38 Loathing Points*
2. Presumptuous: Speaking of the Rays rise to prominence, not to whine or anything--but we were scrappy before you Tampa, we were plucky and underestimated and overlooked and we've been overcoming adversity back when you were still debating color schemes for your uniforms. Get in line punks! *19 Loathing Points*

Reasons we should silently trap and release the Rays back to the wild, thus avoiding a traumatic experience for the kids:

1. Existentialist Dilemma: We play a tough scrappy hard-nosed brand of baseball and so do the Rays, the Rays have become successful precisely because they modeled themselves after us to a large extent. So if we destroy the team that's better than us...we become them--but if we destroy the team that's a younger form of us...we will never become old enough to destroy the team that's a younger form of us. (My brain is exploding at the mere possibility of these thoughts.) *-16 Loathing Points*

Final Loathe-o-Meter Rating: 41 Loathing Points

(-5 From Last Year)

Punishment: Epic social embarrassment (at the Prom if at all possible)